when I want to say something it NEVER comes out right, and that is depressing

SUMMERy

Sorry imaginary friends I kind of forgot about you for a while... just been busy. Just gonna summarise my summer in a few bullet points (Get the pun in the title? ;) [I know, lame])

• GCSE results, 3 A*, 4 A, 2 B, 2 C. Really mixed to be honest, but quite proud. I got what I'm capable of for all of the subjects and I expected the grades I got (except the A*s lol)

• Holiday, to Turkey again. Different part this time. Less touring, more beach, but visited Pamukkale, which is one of the most amazing things in this world. Turkish guys are so cute. No Turkish people are just really good looking in general. Until they hit some age around 38, and suddenly look homeless.

• First day of sixth form. West Ham Stadium, most boring thing ever. Was really awkward, didn't really make any friends..

Wow, I was expecting to write more, (without going into my problems and stuff) but I guess that brings me up to date with most of the things going on in my life, and it's late and I need sleep, so I'm off, ba-byeee.

The Perfect Life ♥

My family are just so annoying, and I've noticed recently how sexist they are. My Grandma is always saying things like, "You should be doing the cleaning because you'll have to go and do it for your husbands family" "Your brother doesn't need to be able to do housework because he's not moving out, he'll have a wife do it all for him."

ERGHH SO traditional YUCK

I'm all for traditions, but when it's sexist, or doesn't really go with modern life, ew ew ew ew, you will NEVER see me trying to follow them. The way my grandma talks I can tell she expects me to marry into a traditional family, probably a guy who still lives with his parents (YUCK) and be a traditional little housewife that does EVERYTHING and is there for her in laws every command. Oh but of course, this is a modern world so I'll have to juggle a career along with that. I love my grandma, but if she thinks that is my future, she better think again. No, no, no. This is how I plan my life to go...

I think I wanna get married after I finish Uni, but not straight away, probably once I get into my job. I'm hoping to be a scientist of some sort, but I mostly want to go into forensics. My wedding will be beautiful but not MASSIVE (Don't forget I don't like people). My husband will be someone well educated, he has to be someone who follows religion (i.e. prays 5 times a day, fasts, e.t.c.), but makes sure they have a balance in life. He'll be loving, funny and someone who can read me like a book. We won't be living with his parents, and we'll have a symmetrical family. (Sociology coming in here haaha) If my future husband thinks he can lie back while I cook and clean he can think twice.We'll have a big house in a safe and posh neighbourhood, and it will be perfect. I really want to live in America, but I know that probably won't happen, so I'll make sure the house is American style. We'll have a maid or too to keep it clean and looking it's best. I NEED A CAT. I don't really know about children, but I definitely want a daughter. I've been thinking either have an only child, or have like 10 hahaa. Yeah I dunno. However many I have, me and my husband will raise them to be happy, respectable and loving ♥

And that just about outlines my perfect life :)

Top 5 Hot Celebs ;)

Ok so I thought, instead of writing something personal with a lot of effort, let me just do something more light hearted tonight. In no particular order here's my Top 5 male celebrity hotties ;)

1. Tom Daley

I think I've had a crush on this guy since I was like 10. I've got so much respect for him with all he's gone through, yet how much he has achieved at such a young age. Plus whenever you see him he's almost always half naked ;)








2. Zac Efron

I didn't really like his look in High School Musical, he had too much of a baby face I think, and the girly hair do just wasn't doing it. But now with facial hair and a new hairstyle, he looks gorgeous and just wow!



3. Taylor Lautner

Don't really have much to say because the picture speaks for itself really. But anyway him and Taylor Swift made the perfect couple and I really wish they'd get back together :(








4. Liam Payne

The year he auditioned for his second time is the year I started watching X factor and I remember how he just blew me away. I rooted for him since, and I still think he could've done great solo. But anyway he's just so cute and adorable and just aawww look at him!!!




5. Ian Harding

 I took forever picking a picture for this one, because he's just too beautiful, and most of them just weren't doing him justice. He is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, and if he's anything like his character in PLL in real life, I definitely wanna marry him and spend my whole life with him ♥

I really wanna write stuff on here, but I just can't be bothered. When I write, nothing ever comes out the way I want it to anyway so what's the point??

The Personal Challenge

Well, last night I came back from the first part of the Challenge. We drove all the way up to Cumbria in the Lake District. The coach journey was really long and I got really scared at that point because I wasn't talking to anyone, and was worried I'd end up being like that all week. When we finally got there though, I found the girls in my group and my roommates were all really nice people.

The first day we were there we went up a mountain. AN ACTUAL 800 METER OR SOMETHING HIGH MOUNTAIN. It was so long and tiring, and I felt like giving up at times. It was raining, it was slippery, my legs were aching, but I kept going, with the encouragement and support of my whole team. I was so lucky I had 2 guys from my school in my team and they really gave me company and helped me feel more comfortable around the others. When we got to the top, it was amazing, you could see everything from up there, and we all knew that all that hard work had been worth it. When we got back we got ready, and went camping for the night. It was ok, but we were attacked by billions of midges. We also had to cook our dinner on these camping stoves, and that didn't go too well, but yeah lol.

The next day was one of the best by far. We did this thing called Gyll Scrambling, which is basically walking through waterfalls. It was sooooo fun. I stayed ahead of everyone else most of the time, and we were climbing down a stream with lots of little waterfalls, and we jumped and slid down them and had the time of our lives. Our instructor Mike was really nice, but I was pretty sure he had an evil side to him, cos a few times, he'd look down the waterfall, do a creepy laugh and tell me to go ahead without telling me what to expect from the bottom. Anyway, after that we went to the lake to swim for a while. That evening in the lounge my team Mentor Alec bought out his guitar, and I played a bit of treacherous.

On the third day we done canoeing and rock climbing. The canoeing was really fun. We were in groups of 4, and each group had 2 canoes tied together. My group was really slow and weak. We all rowed all the way to a little island in the lake. When we got off a water fight broke out, and everyone got REALLY wet. Except me. Like an idiot I point that out, and it was then that Mike grabs me out of nowhere, and just throws me into the lake!! It was FREEEEEEZINGG. Then when we weren't noticing, he tied all our boats to his speed boat, and started towing them away. Our whole team started to freak and started chasing after him through the water. We managed to get to one boat, and we were all clinging to it while we floated in open water. We had to swim to our own boats and climb into them. The row back was really hard, and my team was going nowhere so in the end Mike had to tow us back.

The rock climbing was really good too. It was an actual cliff of a mountain that we had to climb, and we were attached by harnesses. It was really hard, as there wasn't many places to put your feet. I slipped once but luckily apart from a scratch on my elbow I was quite fine. When I reached the top I had to abseil down which was also scary but really fun.

The day we left, there ended up being a problem with the coach and we had to wait for it for ages. We ended up sitting outside, and the mentors decided to put on a rap battle between all the teams. My team merked it for sure, and we were amazing with our rap we made up called Teamwork Makes the Dream Work. Then afterwards they tried to get people to get up to sing, rap or dance or whatever. A few people got up and rapped, then all of a sudden a few evil ones from my team burst out saying "Sameeha sings and plays the guitar!!!" And then they all started telling me to come up and perform. God knows how, but somehow I ended up going up. I played treacherous and barely made any mistakes, which was amazing for me. But it was the most scariest thing in my life, I've never performed in front of anyone forget about a crowd of over 60 people! I found it scarier than most of the activities we did loool, but I'm actually glad and proud of myself that I actually done it.

My team, (Team Reiss) were all really nice and friendly, and even though I've only known most of them for like 5 days, I really love them. We work really well together and have lots of laughs.

Tomorrow we start the Team Challenge. Ty (one of the mentors) has told me to be ready to play another song, so I'll see what happens lol. I don't know if I want to or not. Anyway I can't wait to see Reiss again tomorrow, I better get to bed, I left all my packing for the morning lool. Night peeepsss x

I am BUZZINGGG

Went to Thorpe Park today, IT WAS AWWWEEEESSSOMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I had to do that...
Anyway, I think I've finally gotten over my fear of rollercoasters, not scared of going on most of them anymore (But I still don't think I'd go on stealth or Saw..) But I went on Colossus first, and I was sooooo excited, and thrilled and proud of myself, because I had actually done it!!! I found it scarier than I would have because of the long suspense, because we were gonna go on swarm first, and after queueing for over an hour, when we finally get to the front the ride broke down. So we got a fast track ticket and went on Colossus. After that one I was fine on most things, but I refused to go on Saw loool. I felt so proud of myself all day for overcoming my fear lool. Nearer the end of the day we went on Rumba Rapids, and it was so relaxing. Since there was no queue, we didn't wanna get off so stayed on, and they didn't really do anything. Then afterwards we decided to stay on for a third time lool. We would have stayed on to see how long it took them to notice, but we didn't wanna waste time, as we only had half an hour left. Anyway on the way back one of my friends almost got left at the station, but luckily the doors opened to let her on again.

Today was the last time I will see a few of them, and I'm really gonna miss them. I've become really good friends with them over the past few years, and I hope they have a bright future ahead of them. I dunno why I'm writing this speech thing cos they're never gonna read it but oh well loool.

Now I have induction day tomorrow, and I'm sitting in bed ready to go to sleep, and my head is spinning from all the rides and adrenaline. The Challenge is also the day after. I know one of the guys that's going with me, so I think I might sit next to him on the coach journey. He's really nice, and I really wanna start making guy friends, cos I really don't have any at the moment.

So that's an update of my life atm, bye invisibles

Prom ♥

Well Prom went past a couple of days ago, and it was amazing ♥ Didn't dance, didn't have a date, haven't looked worse in my life, but it was still a great night that I will never forget. Such a shame that my cousin ruined my hair and makeup though, because the only thing I've been dreaming of about this day for so long is getting to look my best, but she ruined that. Oh well what's done is done, and there's always year 13 prom! I spent most of the night taking pictures with my friends, and catching up since we hadn't seen each other in a while. I did have quite a few of my awkward moments but whatever, I guess that's just what make me, me loool. The biggest thing about the night for me though, was a little more complicated than all that. I'm still not sure, but I'm assuming I imagined it, but I kept feeling as though he and his friend were trying to come close to me and approach me or something...
I know, it would never happen, but when I was telling my best friend about this, she said she noticed them sneakily coming near us too, as if they were coming to talk to us. But why would they ever do that? Then again, 2 people can't imagine the same thing.. If he was going to approach me, which I doubt he was, I just wish he did, but then again I didn't really give him a chance since I was glued to my friends the whole night, just as I always am. This has all just made me more desperate about making something happen. I feel like going as far as letting him know I like him, but that will never happen. What I do know though, my number one aim of my sixth form life is to start talking to him.
Well that's it for tonight imaginary friends, sorry about boring you with yet ANOTHER boy drama related blog, but it's not as if my usual crap is entertaining either, so I guess you guys should appreciate :P Lool byee xx

P.S- My only decent picture from the night xx

I think about you, you you, you you

EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRRR WOOHOOOO!!!!! Prom is in a few days, going thorpe park next week and then on the challenge! My summer is set to be a good one and of course I have a lot to think about e.g. results day, sixth form, challenge, but there has been only one thing on my mind lately and that is him. I probably only cross his mind once in a blue moon, if that, but what he will never know is that he doesn't ever leave mine. Even if it's just the back of my mind, I'm constantly thinking about him and I can't help it. I just want him to love me like I love him, and need me and be there for me. I just want him to know how I feel, but him knowing may put him off for the future. I read some very wise words the other day, "Grab it quick, or else tomorrow it may be gone forever". Ok, it was on the wall of H&M just trying to make us buy their clothes, but I can really apply that to my life. Unless he knows how I feel, I may never have a chance with him. I'm so scared that one day I'll wake up, and he will be gone, in another university to me, and I will never see him ever again and it will be too late because I never took that opportunity and went for it. I don't want that to happen, but I'm too scared to take the jump, and risk falling..

Class of 2013 ♥

Well..

Wow I'm actually blogging more than once in one day!! But anyway this is what I was gonna talk about in my last blog but I got caught up in all that other stuff.

There's this guy. I have liked him forever but he doesn't know I EXIST. I know it's all cliqued quiet girl likes the perfect guy who ignores her but unlike in the movies I'm never going to end up finding out he secretly like me back because he blatantly doesn't. He doesn't give 2 shits about me, and I don't blame him. He shouldn't have to. But it just breaks my heart that it is this way. We used to talk slightly in the past but everything's changed and we barely acknowledge each others existence, well at least I pretend not to. It kills me inside not being able to just go up to him and talk to him, not because I'm too shy (which I am) but it would be too obvious that I like him because of the person I have made myself into. The kind of person who just sticks to her group of friends and doesn't really talk to anyone else. And my group of friends doesn't really include any guys, and I hate that. And because of the awkward person I am, I appear stuck up and unapproachable to others, so no one outside my friendship group makes the effort to get to know me. I don't exactly make an effort either, I know, but it's so impossible for me. It would be too awkward and weird and I wouldn't know how to fit in with them. So if I just go up to him and say "Hey how's it going?" He's gonna be all in his head why the hell is this person talking to me. I mean if I did that to everyone it would seem normal but I don't so it wouldn't.

Every time I see him talking to other girls my heart just aches because I know there's nothing going on between them but the thought that there could be. I don't know what's wrong with me but I often get obsessed with things that I like, and my brain had just obsessed over the thought that we're going to be together one day even though I know it will never happen, but I just can't help it. I'm just so glad no one can read minds, because if anyone actually knew what goes on in my imagination I would die of embarrassment.

Hmm...

Birthday passed, and it was actually really good for once :) I spent it in a 10 hour art exam :) And my mum threw me a birthday party even though I told her I don't want one :). With family :). Anyways whatever it was still great, but I was ill all last week, and it was also leavers week, so I didn't get to enjoy it properly, but I was still in school for the main bits :) We had a hoodie day where we were allowed to wear hoodies and the teachers sang for us in assembly and we had a special leavers assembly with a leavers video and it was all really emotional and everyone was crying. I think I might upload it on here. We also got yearbooks and they were better than we thought they would be, but still not that great but hey, it's the memories that count. Had 4 exams already this week 2 french and 2 biology. I'm so happy with how biology went and I think I did really well. There may be a chance of me getting an A*;) Anyway sociology is on Friday and I have no idea what I'm going to do like seriously I know nothing right now and I can't find the time or energy to revise properly because our stupid school wont give us study leave, and I can't revise properly in school, and by the time I get home each day I'm too exhausted to get off the sofa. So I have no idea how I'm gonna survive the other 12 exams I have left. Wish me luck imaginary readers

What's up invisibles

So. Exams in 3 weeks. Art exam and my birthday next week. No revision. Behind on Art work. And about me turning 16 next week? Not really sure what to say to that. I mean when I was younger I'd get so excited over my birthday, but lately each one has just been a day of disappointment. But hey, I'm turning 16. Woohoo.

Worst Night of My Life

Had the worst night ever last night. We were driving home from my cousins house, which is 2 hours away, when we break down in the middle of the motorway. We called the breakdown service and they took FOREVER to find us because it was so hard to explain where we were, plus it was pitch dark so we couldn't even find the post thingies that tell you your location. To make things worse, not only was it FUCKING FREEZING but I started needing my inhaler and I didn't have it with me, and I was getting sick. When the guy FINALLY found us, he could only tow us to the nearest service station because his stupid truck can't go through the green emission zones. So we had to wait for another tow truck. It was probably only about 20 minutes, but it seemed like longer because don't forget, I WAS HAVING A FREAKING ASTHMA ATTACK. Anyway god knows what crazy hour in the morning it was when we finally got home, but our house was FREEEEEEEZING because we weren't home all day and the heating hadn't been turned on was what we guessed. But when I went upstairs to get the electric heater I saw that the real reason was because my retarded idiot brother had left his window WIDE OPEN. Like why the hell was it open in the first place, and that wide as well?!? Like anyone could have broken in to our house, because it was really easy to get into our house from the back. It was only thanks to God that we weren't burgled. Anyways woke up feeling like crap this morning and still feel like crap

BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH

I wonder if anyone would guess who that's directed at

You'll never know dear, how much I love you...

Errghh he'll never notice me, and to make things worse, I made myself look like a bitch in front of him the other day -_-

Wembley Arena ♥

I performed at Wembley Arena last Tuesday for the Voice in a Million concert. We sang in front of 10,000 people, and we jumped around and laughed and sang our hearts out. It was amazing and one of the best nights of my life ♥ (Plus there were quite a few cute guys around :$)

Oh and my iPod got confiscated at school, and now my parents refuse to pick it up -__- HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT MY HIPPO!?!!?

I Really Don't Blog Enough Do I??

Well imaginary people in my head, I'm back. I've made a new friend in tuition. Well a few. It's really nice to have made new friends, because I'm so antisocial, I'm scared about my future. I don't wanna be alone, and I don't wanna struggle with making friends. I want to make sure I always have people around me in my life and my future, and making these new friends has given me some hope. I'm going on The Challenge during the summer, and I'm thinking I should deliberately go on a date without my friends (not that I think I'll be able to go on the same date as them anyway) to test myself and see how I handle things. I need independence  and I've always relied on other people to help me make friends. High School it was my best friend I relied on, Tuition I relied on my best friend, Work experience (not really making friends, but just being able to do it) I done it with my friends. So I think this will be the first opportunity I get at testing my social skills. Not that I have any.

It's amazing what you can hide from someone

Hey imaginary readers, so my posts lately have been more honest than they used to be. This blog has become a place for me to vent and write my feelings down, because let me be honest, I've never been good at keeping a diary. I've got a stack of old diaries with just one page filled in.

So anyways, it's half term, i have my GCSE's just months away, and I should be revising, but I'm laying in bed doing nothing. That's it really, don't have much else to blog about... Awkss

Life

Life is horrible. A young Swiftie killed herself after being bullied just because she shipped Haylor. How messed up is the world where people are as pathetic as to bully people for that??

School is horrible, stressful, too much homework, not time to start revising. I have to pick A levels, and my mum is trying to force me to take maths.

I'm constantly feeling invisible and left out in everything. Even if people involve me in stuff, I still feel lonely, and no one can see that because I'm pretty good and covering that up. Certain people in particular don't even realise I exist, and probably never will.

Confused

How do you know what things are supposed to mean? How you really feel about things? Emotions are too confusing sometimes.

CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY.

And finally I'm forced to face the truth, No matter what I say I'm not over you

Been feeling like I'm being sucked into a dark world lately. How can someone that's meant to be everything to you, cause you so much grief and pain?

D'oh -__-

Well it's been a month since I've blogged. Great.