New Beginnings

Hi my imaginary friends, I am officially a Uni student! (YAY for massive debts!!) Well it's been a week here, I moved out of my house and into halls on my lovely university campus. It's been great and I've loved the independance of it all, you know, having to cook for myself (even though I haven't yet cos my mum keeps sending me too much food) and you know live without my parents. Although I do feel a bit lonely at times, especially because I'm so awkward and shy with people, I definitely don't regret moving out. My room is pretty nice and all 11 (yes ELEVEN) of my flatmates are all really lovely and nice, even if we're all very different. Last week was induction week, but from tomorrow lectures and classes start properly. I'm slightly nervous about how hard it's going to be, but since it's the beginning of the year I'm still really determined.

So I want to talk about my blog. For the past I don't know how many years I've been writing on here from time to time. A lot of my posts are boring updates on what's going on in my life, but a lot of them are really personal diary like entries that I write to vent out my emotions. I've noticed that the majority of those seem to be very negative and especially in the last year or so I've only actually been posting when I've been sad or upset or angry. As a result I've kept it private and never really shared it with anyone. I really want to change that.

I've decided to make my blog a more positive environment. I want to talk about the good things in my life, and appreciate those little things that make life beautiful, because it really is. I don't want to be ashamed of it, or for it to be something I hide from people. I've deleted some of my older posts that may be a little too personal (although I've left a lot of the embarrassing stuff from years ago on it). I'm going to start letting people in, even if I do know them. I don't know what exactly I'll start blogging about, but I'll just see. Just go with the flow. So if you find yourself here, feel free to share my blog with anyone if you like, or not I don't really mind.

And here with another one of my awkward endings, I bid you guys goodbyee xx

Allah knows best

It's been so long, but hello again.

Today was the big day, it was A level results day. I was expecting to be spending all morning refreshing track, but at 7am this morning I received a congratulatory text from Hertfordshire to tell me I had been accepted. My heart sank slightly at that, because it was my insurance choice, and from that text I was  90% sure I had been rejected from Kings, my firm choice. A few minutes later track opened and my guess was correct. Well that was that. I kind of expected it really so I don't know why it hurt. No matter how much I loved Kings though, there's no denying that I really did love Hertfordshire too. I had throughout the year thought to myself that I wouldn't mind going to Hertfordshire, because it would mean I would definitely get to move out, something you can tell from my previous posts I wanted really badly. I had fed my parents the idea of moving out just the first year for Kings but even then I didn't think it was going to happen.

So yeah I wasn't over the moon about where I got accepted at first. But after a while I remembered that Allah (god for those who aren't muslim) chose for me to go to Hertfordshire and he obviously knows best. I'm not a very religious person and I am by no means a perfect Muslim, but I do have faith, and I do believe. So maybe it was a blessing my results turned out the way they did, and he wanted me to get away from my hectic family. Maybe it's for the better.

So yeah my trip to school this morning was a quick one. I got BBC (biology, geography, chemistry). Atleast I improved my As bio grade from a B to an A and As chem from an E to a B, it was one thing I was slightly proud of. I (thank God) wasn't approached by any of my teachers so I didn't have to talk to them feeling ashamed of my disappointing results, and I didn't see any of my friends either, though it would have been nice to. I just walked in and out, like my usual awkward self.

I still don't feel like I've actually left school yet but once I start Uni i know I will. And no matter how much I hated that place, I know I will miss it, especially after spending the last 7 years of my life there. I met most of my bestfreinds there and have so many memories that I will cherish. My friends are all headed in different directions and I know most of us will slowly drift apart. It's sad but it's life. I will miss them all dearly though.

So anyway... with another one of my awkward endings, thank you to all 0 of you for reading my blog, and I bid you guys goodbye x